Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
