he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
