True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
