guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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