She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
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I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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