my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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