Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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