I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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