The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
