also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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