Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
