Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
