Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is it penis luge time yet?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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