one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
