I wannas sexs uuuuu
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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