After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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