my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
