Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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