also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
