I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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