she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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