i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
