I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
