one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
