It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
