Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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