the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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