You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
