Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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