he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
