I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
