There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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