508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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