he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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