my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
