Your face is a jimmy john
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i love accidental penises.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
