Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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