And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
