I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
