better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We're too hungover to prance.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
