and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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