I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
