I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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