and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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