I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
