i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
