dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
