kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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