I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
