why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
