don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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