Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
