I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Damn victory sex feels great
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
