you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
