3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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