do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
