So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
