Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
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Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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