Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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