I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
