i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
