ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
