Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
