They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This toilet bowl is my home.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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