Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
