no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
