Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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