Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
