my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Two words: nipple clamps
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