Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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