Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
