Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
