yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
