hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
