He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
