in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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