omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
